Thursday, July 21, 2011

On my mind...

     Let me warn you before you read this that I don't really have much to say. It has been a pretty uneventful week here, but I have a few things on my mind. So... here it goes.
     My time here in Jordan is on it's final leg, only a little more than two weeks are left in this experience. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my time here so far and how I have changed and grown. I have never felt more confident in myself. I feel like I can do anything that I set my mind to. I can overcome any challenge put in front of me as long as I say I can do it. I'm growing in the Lord. I am seeing such amazing things. The Christians here are so strong in their faith. It leaves me hoping that one day I too can understand what it is like to be so passionate for Him. Many of the believers here are people who converted from Islam, which under Sharia Law is illegal and punishable by death if one does not revert back to Islam. Luckily, here in Jordan, they are not under that law, but that doesn't mean it is an easy path to Christ. Converts bring shame to their families and in some cases that can mean honor killing. That is when a family member kills another to preserve the family name. If that doesn't happen to converts of Christ, they are often exiled from the family. Yet, their faith in Christ is still so strong and they seek with everything they have to understand his word and be closer to him. Even though many times they had to give up so much and even risk their own lives to do so. They are joyful and would do it again.
     I hope and pray that one day I will be able to have the strength to love the Lord the way the believers here do. I am realizing that as Christians in America our faith is very rarely put to the test or even questioned. What I mean by that is that we as Christians have faith, but do we understand our faith? I was asked by one of our teachers/guide/friend what does it mean to truly believe? Well, I had all the Sunday school answers memorized in my head and I could have pulled any of them out and he would have been satisfied with my answer, but I knew none of those would have really been the answer I wanted. So I couldn't give an answer to his question, but I pray I can someday give an answer that satisfies me.
     On a cultural note, religion is free game here. I know that in the States it is kind of off limits to talk about religion. Here though it's, "What is your name? What is your religion?" Then, in conversations with Christians, the next question is how did you come to your faith? The first few times this was really shocking to me, but at this point it is expected, but it could throw you off if you weren't prepared for it.
     Well, I have other news. There are now five people in our apartment here in Amman and it's been pretty nice to get to know my new roommates. One of them is named Jonas. He is Danish. The other is Alex and he is German. Both of them are nearly, if not fluent, in English so talking to them is really easy for Kirby and I. Saif has a hard time understanding the accents sometimes, but overall it is good.
     Now, I know I still have awhile before I come back home, but I am realizing that I don't think I want to go home. If you would have asked me last week, I might have packed up my bags right away, but now I don't want to leave. I think I could stay here another ten weeks. I know that my family and friends and girlfriend probably wouldn't like that, but it's true. In my last blog I talked about drowning in the cultural sea. I am doing things without having to think about the little details. I can truly relax now. I am not stressed out. I'm so comfortable here. Not to mention I have hit my groove in Arabic now. It's all clicking and I am picking it up faster than ever and I'm loving every second of my time here. Things that used to be a big deal, like ordering from a restaurant that had no English, is easy now. It's nothing now. I have said that I was falling in love with this culture, but now I can say without a doubt that I am in love with this culture and it's people. I feel at home. I don't want to leave.
     But I am torn because I do miss so much about home. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my girlfriend. Not to mention how bad I want some bacon. I just don't know what I want. It's a weird feeling being so torn between two places and cultures when you love them both so much. I want to go home, but I don't. I wish I could explain how I am feeling better, but I don't know what to say. I love it here and I love it there.
     I know that this blog was a little short and jumped around a few topics, but it's been a pretty quiet week here for me so I don't have any great stories to tell, but this weekend we are going to Petra, Wadi Rum, and Aquaba so I can promise I'll have some great stories from those places and I'll have another blog up really soon.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Lost in the Cultural Sea... But I'm enjoying the view

     Well, it has been way too long since my last blog. To say I have been extremely busy would be a major understatement though. I have a ton to write about so I will start with my vacation to Sherm-El-Shiek. Let's just say Sherm-El-Shiek may be one of the best places to vacation on the planet. It was Florida on steroids. I stayed at an all exclusive resort right on the Red Sea. I wish I was a good enough writer to explain this place, but I just don't have the skills needed to give a great idea of what Sherm-El-Shiek is. All I can say is that I was jealous of myself. I got a chance to use my underwater camera and it worked perfectly. I got some amazing pictures of the fish in the Red Sea and a few of the sunset over the Sinai Mountains. There are some on Facebook, but I will try to post them if I can. The food at this place was so great. I mean, I ate some awesome food. They had every type of food you could imagine. I ate a lot in my four days there. On one of those days I got to go ATV riding out in the desert. It was pretty awesome. We got to ride around some of the mountains. We saw a few camels too, but unfortunately I didn't get to ride one. Other than that, I didn't do much. I just laid out on the beach and by the pool.
     Once I got back from the trip is when the stress and busyness really piled on. There has been so much new stuff about Arabic that has been thrown on me in a really short amount of time. It has been tough on me because I do struggle when it comes to learning all the grammar rules. I mean, heck, I have a hard time remembering all the English grammar rules. Really though, I have been able to handle the new information pretty well. Also, I have had much more homework than usual and I have had a few tests and I still have a few more to go. I have been studying for all of those, but all of that hasn't been too bad I guess. It does get stressful though.
     The culture stress has been really rough as well. It just has been hard for me to get into any kind of groove here because I have to think about everything. I mean, even with a small walk to school and back I have to dodge traffic while I cross a major road. I have been nearly hit by a school bus twice. Not to mention, I was almost trampled by a herd of goats coming down the street. The washing machine is one of the most awful things one could experience and I can't flush toilet paper down the toilet. Honestly, at times, I just want to go home. There are times where I just want to be done here and get back home and watch a Red's game, eat a good cheeseburger, and just zone out for a few hours. Those feelings come in waves though and are really pretty brief. Maybe a day or two at most because I do love it here, it's just a major readjustment that takes a lot out of me. I want to be here. I want to learn this language and I want to know the people because the people here are special.
     I really do love the Arab people, buy I still don't understand them. What I mean is that a lot of their actions still just confuse me beyond belief, but seems perfectly normal to them and I just can't figure it out. I don't really want to go into much detail about specific events that have occurred because I am worried that it would sound like I am really stereotyping all Arabs and I don't want to do that because it very well could have been the situations.\ that I was in and not true for all situations. But they mostly involve a passion for eating peanuts, sitting on steps, and watching fountains for multiple hours. I want to make it very clear that I love the people here. They really are some of the most generous people I have ever met. I just don't understand them, that's all. On the same note, I am finding a major challenge is that generosity that makes the people here so amazing. They are generous to the point that I feel bad they are trying so hard to make me happy. I am a pretty simple guy when it comes to being happy. I don't need to be served and waited on 24/7 to be happy. What do you do though when it's a culture that makes it shameful for them to not treat you like that. Well, for awhile it's easy to grin and bear it. You don't really have much of a choice. I am here for ten weeks and I can only do that for so long. I am still working on an answer on that and I really don't know how to solve this. I'll give a quick example. Kirby and I went to some coffee shop that we had never been to before and we just wanted to give it a try. We asked if they had any food and we were told that they did. They had burgers, salad, chicken, and a few other things so we ordered two burgers. Well, 45 minutes later we saw one of the employees walk in with a carry-out bag. They went out and got us burgers. They didn't serve food there, they just didn't want to tell us no. The thing was we didn't want to wait 45 minutes to get two burgers that came from a place not far from our apartment and that we had been before. So getting us food, while it was very kind and generous action, it wasn't what we really wanted or needed. It's really hard to battle misplaced kindness and generosity. I mean it would have been easier for both of us if he just would have said, "No, we don't have any food." He really just couldn't say no and bring shame on his shop. Hopefully, by the end of this I'll have an answer for you and me.
     I may be lost here at time, but the last thing I want is to sound like I don't like it here. I truly do love it here, but I do get homesick at times. Like I said, it passes pretty quickly. This place is quickly becoming a home to me and I am falling in love with this culture. I feel like I am on a small island of me and the water is slowly taking over the island and I can't stop it. I don't think I want to though because I am getting closer and closer to the people and the culture of this place. Maybe drowning in it isn't a bad thing.
     So I got a little off track from what I wanted to write about, but it just kind of happened so it's all good. Well, I know I should say more, but I need to study. I have a big exam coming up so that's all for now. Thanks for reading.