On my mind...

     Let me warn you before you read this that I don't really have much to say. It has been a pretty uneventful week here, but I have a few things on my mind. So... here it goes.
     My time here in Jordan is on it's final leg, only a little more than two weeks are left in this experience. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my time here so far and how I have changed and grown. I have never felt more confident in myself. I feel like I can do anything that I set my mind to. I can overcome any challenge put in front of me as long as I say I can do it. I'm growing in the Lord. I am seeing such amazing things. The Christians here are so strong in their faith. It leaves me hoping that one day I too can understand what it is like to be so passionate for Him. Many of the believers here are people who converted from Islam, which under Sharia Law is illegal and punishable by death if one does not revert back to Islam. Luckily, here in Jordan, they are not under that law, but that doesn't mean it is an easy path to Christ. Converts bring shame to their families and in some cases that can mean honor killing. That is when a family member kills another to preserve the family name. If that doesn't happen to converts of Christ, they are often exiled from the family. Yet, their faith in Christ is still so strong and they seek with everything they have to understand his word and be closer to him. Even though many times they had to give up so much and even risk their own lives to do so. They are joyful and would do it again.
     I hope and pray that one day I will be able to have the strength to love the Lord the way the believers here do. I am realizing that as Christians in America our faith is very rarely put to the test or even questioned. What I mean by that is that we as Christians have faith, but do we understand our faith? I was asked by one of our teachers/guide/friend what does it mean to truly believe? Well, I had all the Sunday school answers memorized in my head and I could have pulled any of them out and he would have been satisfied with my answer, but I knew none of those would have really been the answer I wanted. So I couldn't give an answer to his question, but I pray I can someday give an answer that satisfies me.
     On a cultural note, religion is free game here. I know that in the States it is kind of off limits to talk about religion. Here though it's, "What is your name? What is your religion?" Then, in conversations with Christians, the next question is how did you come to your faith? The first few times this was really shocking to me, but at this point it is expected, but it could throw you off if you weren't prepared for it.
     Well, I have other news. There are now five people in our apartment here in Amman and it's been pretty nice to get to know my new roommates. One of them is named Jonas. He is Danish. The other is Alex and he is German. Both of them are nearly, if not fluent, in English so talking to them is really easy for Kirby and I. Saif has a hard time understanding the accents sometimes, but overall it is good.
     Now, I know I still have awhile before I come back home, but I am realizing that I don't think I want to go home. If you would have asked me last week, I might have packed up my bags right away, but now I don't want to leave. I think I could stay here another ten weeks. I know that my family and friends and girlfriend probably wouldn't like that, but it's true. In my last blog I talked about drowning in the cultural sea. I am doing things without having to think about the little details. I can truly relax now. I am not stressed out. I'm so comfortable here. Not to mention I have hit my groove in Arabic now. It's all clicking and I am picking it up faster than ever and I'm loving every second of my time here. Things that used to be a big deal, like ordering from a restaurant that had no English, is easy now. It's nothing now. I have said that I was falling in love with this culture, but now I can say without a doubt that I am in love with this culture and it's people. I feel at home. I don't want to leave.
     But I am torn because I do miss so much about home. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my girlfriend. Not to mention how bad I want some bacon. I just don't know what I want. It's a weird feeling being so torn between two places and cultures when you love them both so much. I want to go home, but I don't. I wish I could explain how I am feeling better, but I don't know what to say. I love it here and I love it there.
     I know that this blog was a little short and jumped around a few topics, but it's been a pretty quiet week here for me so I don't have any great stories to tell, but this weekend we are going to Petra, Wadi Rum, and Aquaba so I can promise I'll have some great stories from those places and I'll have another blog up really soon.